Amnon and Tamar
13 Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. This brother and sister were the children of David through his wife Maacah, who was the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur (2 Samuel 3:3).
And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. Amnon was David’s first-born son, born from his wife Ahinoam the Jezreelitess (2 Samuel 3:2). Being the first-born, Amnon was the crown prince – first in line for the throne of Israel.
The name Tamar means “Palm Tree,” signifying fruitfulness. The name Absalom means “His Father’s Peace.” The name Amnon means “Faithful, Stable.” “None of them answered their names.” (Trapp)
2 And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. 3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man. Indeed, he was. His wicked advice to Amnon began a disastrous chain of events. Jonadab was a cousin to Amnon, being the son of David’s brother (2 Samuel 13:32).
4 And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” If Absalom was my brother then clearly Tamar was my sister. In his lust, Amnon did not allow himself to call Tamar his sister – instead, she was Absalom’s sister. The power of lust is strong enough to twist the way we see reality.
5 Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’ ” 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. And when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.” From this and other passages, it appears that David was generally indulgent towards his children. This may be because he felt guilty that in having so many wives, children, and responsibilities of state, he didn’t take the time to be a true father to his children. He dealt with the guilt by being soft and indulgent with his children.
7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go to your brother Amnon’s house and prepare food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, where he was lying down. And she took dough and kneaded it and made cakes in his sight and baked the cakes. 9 And she took the pan and emptied it out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Send out everyone from me.” So everyone went out from him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 11 But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” Amnon’s evil naturally revealed itself. Here he admitted his incestuous desire as he made the wicked suggestion to Tamar. Amnon seems to be a spoiled prince who always took what he wanted.
12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. 13 As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Tamar wisely asked Amnon to consider the result of his desire, both for her and for him. It would shame Tamar and reveal Amnon as one of the fools. Blinded by lust, Amnon would not see the inevitable result of his desire. Consequences
Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” 14 But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her. Buying time? The Law of Moses commanded against any marriage between a half-brother and half-sister (Leviticus 18:11). Tamar probably said this simply as a ploy to get away from Amnon. Abraham had a half-sister but not in Israel.
This was nothing but rape. Tamar did whatever she could to avoid this and all the blame clearly rests on Amnon.
15 Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up! Go!” Amnon had no real love for Tamar, only lust – and so he immediately felt guilty over his sin. Tamar was simply a reminder of his foolish sin. He wanted every reminder of his sin to be put far away.
his revealed Amnon’s attraction for Tamar for what it was – lust, not love. Amnon was attracted to Tamar for what he could get from her, not out of concern for her. In many lustful relationships there is a combination of both love and lust but in Amnon’s attraction there was only lust.
16 But she said to him, “No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her. 17 He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.” 18 Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. 19 And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went. Tamar deserved better treatment as an Israelite. Tamar deserved better treatment as a relative. Tamar deserved better treatment as a sister. Tamar deserved better treatment as a princess. Despite all this, Amnon spitefully treated Tamar as this woman.
What Amnon did to Tamar was wrong, but he could still somewhat redeem the situation by paying her bride-price in accordance with Exodus 22:16-17 and Deuteronomy 22:28-29. The payment was meant to compensate for the fact that Tamar was now less likely to be married because she was no longer a virgin.
20 And her brother Absalom said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? Now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart.” So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom’s house. Amnon probably thought he had concealed his crime. Nevertheless, it was so obvious to Absalom that he immediately knew that Amnon was responsible.
21 When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. 22 But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had violated his sister Tamar. David was right to be angry, but he didn’t do anything to either protect Tamar or to correct Amnon. It may be that David was conscious of his own guilt in a similar matter and therefore felt a lack of moral authority to discipline his own son.
Absalom played it cool. His devious nature set the stage for future revenge.
David is passive towards his sons. Or, he did the same so how can he say anything to his son?
Absalom Murders Amnon
23 After two full years Absalom had sheepshearers at Baal-hazor, which is near Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king’s sons. Sheep shearing was a festive time, and it was natural that Absalom had a great feast and invited Amnon and all the king’s sons.
24 And Absalom came to the king and said, “Behold, your servant has sheepshearers. Please let the king and his servants go with your servant.” 25 But the king said to Absalom, “No, my son, let us not all go, lest we be burdensome to you.” He pressed him, but he would not go but gave him his blessing. 26 Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.” And the king said to him, “Why should he go with you?”
27 But Absalom pressed him until he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. 28 Then Absalom commanded his servants, “Mark when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then kill him. Do not fear; have I not commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant.” 29 So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each mounted his mule and fled. God promised David that the sword shall never depart from your house (2 Samuel 12:10) in judgment of David’s sin. This is definitely a partial fulfillment of this promise.
Compare with David and Bathsheba:
They both killed to get something.
They had someone else do the killing.
Alcohol was used in both.
30 While they were on the way, news came to David, “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons, and not one of them is left.” Fake News
31 Then the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the earth. And all his servants who were standing by tore their garments. It is significant that David did not react to this news with disbelief. He sensed that Absalom was capable of such evil. David reacted with mourning instead of disbelief.
32 But Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “Let not my lord suppose that they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, for Amnon alone is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day he violated his sister Tamar. Jonadab brought the “good” news to David that only Amnon is dead, and dead because he forced his sister Tamar. Jonadab probably hoped to gain favor with David by bringing this more favorable news, but God knew that Jonadab set the whole course of events in motion with his wicked advice to Amnon (2 Samuel 13:3-5).
33 Now therefore let not my lord the king so take it to heart as to suppose that all the king’s sons are dead, for Amnon alone is dead.”
Absalom Flees to Geshur
34 But Absalom fled. And the young man who kept the watch lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, many people were coming from the road behind him by the side of the mountain. 35 And Jonadab said to the king, “Behold, the king’s sons have come; as your servant said, so it has come about.” 36 And as soon as he had finished speaking, behold, the king’s sons came and lifted up their voice and wept. And the king also and all his servants wept very bitterly. David is rightly grieved at learning of the death of his eldest son, the Crown Prince Amnon. Yet David’s lack of correction of Amnon contributed to this murder. If David had administered biblical correction according to Exodus 22:16-17 and Deuteronomy 22:28-29, Absalom would not have felt so free to administer his own brutal correction.
37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son day after day. Grandpa. Absalom did not go to a city of refuge because he was guilty, and the cities of refuge were only meant to protect the innocent. This made sense for Absalom because his mother’s father was the king of Geshur (2 Samuel 3:3).
38 So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. 39 And the spirit of the king longed to go out to Absalom, because he was comforted about Amnon, since he was dead. After three years, the sting of Amnon’s murder was not as sharp. David simply longed to be reconciled to Absalom again – without correcting his son for his evil. David’s indulgence towards Amnon is repeated towards Absalom and he will meet a similar end.